People often ask how I manage my studies and music so well. Frankly speaking, I really don't know. I was simply exposed to such a lifestyle from young, when after dinner time meant practising the piano then doing work. I believe it was a choice I made. No one can ever force you to do the things you don't want to. I wouldn't call it passion, it has simply become a chore you have to fulfill, your obliged responsibility. And I don't want music to become a chore to me.

I want to enjoy music. I want to play to my heart's content. I want to be free.

If you truly love something, you won't have to be coerced into doing it. You won't see it as a liability. You would long to do it and love what you're doing.

Like many others, initially it wasn't my choice as a toddler to want to play the piano, it was my mother who had to drag me for music lessons. In fact, I rarely practised and would only relent under the bribery of sweets from my teacher. I was one lazy student haha. Even canings became a regular during practices too. But gradually as I grew up, music became such an integral part of my life that I could not do without. It was to the extent that when we went on holidays, it felt weird that I had no piano to come home to to practise. Practising had became a habit.

While I'm definitely not the best and most hardworking student around, I still lament about practising, dread having to wake up from my naps all weary and groggy just to practise. No one enjoys practising. But it's the process that makes it fun, the music-making. And without practice, how does one improve? How does one improve to become better? (For that, I have not found any solution. But I have taken practising as a temporary solution until I've found a viable one. ;-) )

I'm certainly still not a big fan of practising, my mom still has to chase me to the piano occasionally, but I know it's for my own good. As cliched as it sounds, practice does make perfect. It makes everything better. It makes you feel better, feel satisfied, feel gratified.

I want to explore more realms of music, I want to push my boundaries to beyond simply playing solo piano and classical works. Having a passion doesn't mean having to go to all the competitions available to attain achievements. Those material rewards don't have a lasting impact, these accolades simply appease for a short time. It's the desire to learn, to yearn for more and never stop learning.

Throughout my years of playing the piano, what I recall is far from all the achievements and awards I have accumulated over the years, but rather the enjoyment, fulfillment, gratification and fun I have derived from the piano. These are what makes those arduous practices worthwhile and what keeps me going and striving for the better. :-)

Yesterday while in the library, I happened to chance upon this Indian man who out of the blue, approached me while I was searching for books under the YA section. He asked if I understood Chinese with an eager look on his face. It sounded a little dubious at first, because I've never been approached by anyone in such an abrupt manner. But I just decided to go with my instincts and said Yes. So he produced this ruled sheet of paper with some Chinese characters scribbled on it. Turns out it was a letter. And so I began to read it.

By the time I read to the end of the letter, I was already so struck by the content. I felt so ashamed by myself for even doubting his pure sincerity and earnestness. Not only was the level of Chinese exceptional, especially for a person of a different culture who has never learnt the complexities of the Chinese and distinctly unique language to his own mother tongue before, his genuineness and goodwill was simply overflowing in the letter. I was left at a loss of words by the end of it. 

So as I read the letter, it urns out, this man was a sports coach who was crafting a heartfelt appeal to the mother of his student in a bid to persuade her to let her daughter continue her training. Even going to the extent of asserting that he would guarantee she balances both studies and trainings. His dedication and sincerity was simply so evident in the letter, his requests so aptly and reasonably put I could not possibly think of a better way to string them together, nothing superfluous or excessive. Just the right amount of words. Looking at his handwriting, I could tell how much time and effort he spent, painstakingly looking up the dictionary and internet to come up with such an intricate piece of letter. I have never seen such passion and nurturing spirit in any mentor, who would readily take up the daunting challenge of learning such an advanced and complex language, just to ensure his pupil can further pursuing her passion. A remarkable coach and man he is, is all I can say.

His devotion and zeal in being a coach touched my heart. One I did not expect from reading a random letter scribbled in Chinese characters from a totally random stranger I just met in the library. An unforgettable and unexpected meeting in the library it sure was. 

I haven't been updating much since my life's been so hectic practically everyday. So I'm using every little pocket of time I have to take a breather and collect my thoughts. Thankful that the workload hasn't been so heavy this two days so I have time to recuperate from the stress. Thinking about homework makes me so tensed up, with the never ending deadlines which reminds me that I still have outstanding work due I better catch up on. 

Anyway, recently I received this email titled "Little Things" and it really helped brighten up my day. Basically, the receiver of the email will be tasked with sending a pre-assigned person a quote or anything nice. After all, it's the thought that counts. And it really does. Like they always say, it's the little things that make you cherish life. So far, I've received really inspiring and beautiful poems and quotes. Opening my mailbox and finding little surprises like that really put a smile on my face. It's something I don't receive everyday, other than the usual slew of important (and not-so-important) mails. Curious, I went to research about the creator behind this whole initiative and I found out that it existed way back in 2012. I only wish I had found out about it earlier. It's a wonder how such little things, though seemingly trivial and insignificant, make up the simple joys in life and keeps me going. 

2014 is just around the corner in a few hours and I can't believe how quick the year has flown past. Just like that, and I'm another year older. It felt as though 1st January 2013 was just last month... 2013 was a year with many ups and downs, especially having opened myself up to various opportunities and being placed in a new environment, I'm glad to say that 2013 has been a fruitful year (undoubtedly, with all the wonderful concerts, great masterclasses and competitions I've participated in that have helped me mature musically). I definitely have grown a lot along the way, learning from past mistakes, forging new friendships, recovering old ones, creating everlasting memories together. I've been very blessed this year and I'm overjoyed to have ended this chapter in my life with a bang (with the wonderful experience in Childaid and winning 2nd in NPVC and of course, our much called for enjoyable Europe vacation)!!

Of course, a new year marks a new start. And a new start means new decisions to be made. As Neil Gaiman put it, "Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make your mistakes, next year and forever." It's time to abandon past grievances, acknowledge my mistakes, celebrate my triumps and hold on to the beautiful times. To thinking about what I want to do, forget about whatever happened in 2013 and move on. We only have one life and it's time to make the most out of it. 

Having said that, 2013 was a great year putting aside the unpleasant times, and I'm sure 2014 will be an even better one! Cheers to a new year and let's make it right! :-) 

P.S. Looking forward to filling in 2013 in dates and realizing I'm one year late. 

"For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice.” - T.S. Eliot

Expectations. One word that bears much weight.

You know how when everyone constantly impose their expectations on you to do well and excel. These people scrutinize the every move you make without knowing how nerve wrecking it can be. They go the extra mile to insert their own comments (be it criticisms or constructive feedback, but it's usually the former.) along the way. These people are the ones who pressurize you to constantly attain the highest standard above all and meet up to their soaring expectations. What these people fail to recognize is that as human beings, as sentient beings, we do make mistakes. There will be a time when we make blunders, when we fall to the ground. When we learn to pick ourselves up and muster enough courage to move on. Nobody is perfect. Society itself is imperfect. Only God is perfect. But it's the imperfections that makes us perfect, the unique individual we are.

Nobody should feel insecure about themselves. I admit that I do doubt my own abilities many times when I feel the need to succumb to people's expectations of me. I feel insecure about lots of things like how people perceive me, my looks, my grades, just to name a few. Trust me, insecurity exists in everyone, as much as we dislike this pessimism that is in us. But there is so much more to life than feeling like we're not worth it. You're definitely worth much more than you think you are or as what your haters claim. So there's no point in measuring your worth by what others perceive of you. There's so much more in life to enjoy, to relish in the simple pleasures of life and do away with the desire to conform to society's expectations, rather than to feel like you're dead and harp on the unnecessary. I guess removing all the insecurity in ourselves is impossible but at least we can feel more confident about ourselves and be proud of our own capabilities as a person.

I've learnt that it's completely up to myself whether I choose to cave in to society's expectations and continue to discredit my own abilities. Or I could choose to ignore every negative thing that pulls me down and believe in myself that I can do it. God cannot help you if you can't even help yourself. After all, the greatest satisfaction is derived when you prove everyone wrong and surpass their expectations, showing those people that you're not one to be taken lightly of. :-)